So, with my last post, I ended with some thoughts that I think are important. Well, in case you don't know me that well, I can be a hypocrite sometimes. Heck, we can ALL be hypocrites sometimes. What I'm talking about is the first line in the last paragraph I posted. The one about not dwelling on the past.
It's hard not to, for anyone. It's just so easy to think about things that have gone by. Jokes, fond memories, anything really. Only recently have I been thinking back. And I've come to this conclusion. (If you people who are reading this have any clue what exactly I am talking about, feel free to talk to me about it. I won't stop you)
Don't let something that you love so much, that literally makes everything in your world so right, get away. So what if there are differences. EVERYTHING has an opposite. Light, dark. Cold, hot. Heaven, Hell. EVERYTHING SINGLE THING IN THIS WORLD. But, differences are a part of life. They create struggle, which is yet another part of life that we have to deal with.
Now, I'm not saying everything you leave behind you in the past is like this. No way. If you can live without it, then you don't need it. But if you go a couple of months without this, and then realize 'Man, what happened to my life? It was so perfect and now, even though it's still great, there's a HUGE element of it missing!'. Don't lose hope. Go back for it. Fight for it. Know that without it, your life would never be the same.
With that said, I'm struggling between figuring out if the element that I'm thinking of is a part of my life that I miss so dearly that I keep shoving it out of my head, hoping never to think about it again and to just move on in life, or if the element is just something I miss but don't really need it.
Either way, I know I want it back. My only option now is to pray about it and hope God can lead me in the right direction in this decision.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Reflections 9/10
So, I've come to the conclusion that I am horrible at updating this. (If you are reading this on Facebook, it gets transferred onto here from my blog on blogspot)
Life has been fairly good so far. All of my classes are going good. And it's not been hard work in them yet, which is a good thing. I am happy. For the most part. The only thing that's missing is something that I struggle with every day. Do I want it? Do I not? I don't know. I don't care to an extent. I miss that one factor. It became for integrated into my life that for these past months now, I've felt like I'm not whole. That I'm not my entire self.
No, it's not anything bad. It's not an addiction of anything. It's just the fact of being....*sigh* I don't know how to put it really. The companionship I guess is what I would call it. That one person I can trust, no matter what. Who is always there for me. It's hard. Going from that part of your life where everything was just so right. Only to end up having your own personal view of life clashing with that one person's view. That single view tears it all apart. It goes all Hurricane Katrina on it. Destroys it.
I'm glad I had that change of view. It's made me who I am right now and who I'm becoming. But of course I'm sad that things have changed for me. Even though I like change. Constantly I am praying for God to show me a sign. That I will find a remedy for this pain. Soon maybe, I dunno.
I end this note throwing random thoughts together.
Don't dwell on the past, though it's hard not to. Live for the present, though don't make stupid mistakes that you will dwell on later. Think about the future, but not too hard, cause if you do you will being thinking about it so much and possibly miss something important in the present.
Everything happens for a reason. Get used to it. Later on you will realize that everything, even your mistakes, the bad moments, the darkest places you have been in life, makes you smarter, stronger, more able to adapt to things happening around you. Seize the day. Though it's alright if you don't do it every day. It's nearly impossible to every day. There will always be those days where you will be down and out. And that's okay. Everyone has those days. It's normal. But don't let those days guide your thoughts and lead you down a bad place.
Life has been fairly good so far. All of my classes are going good. And it's not been hard work in them yet, which is a good thing. I am happy. For the most part. The only thing that's missing is something that I struggle with every day. Do I want it? Do I not? I don't know. I don't care to an extent. I miss that one factor. It became for integrated into my life that for these past months now, I've felt like I'm not whole. That I'm not my entire self.
No, it's not anything bad. It's not an addiction of anything. It's just the fact of being....*sigh* I don't know how to put it really. The companionship I guess is what I would call it. That one person I can trust, no matter what. Who is always there for me. It's hard. Going from that part of your life where everything was just so right. Only to end up having your own personal view of life clashing with that one person's view. That single view tears it all apart. It goes all Hurricane Katrina on it. Destroys it.
I'm glad I had that change of view. It's made me who I am right now and who I'm becoming. But of course I'm sad that things have changed for me. Even though I like change. Constantly I am praying for God to show me a sign. That I will find a remedy for this pain. Soon maybe, I dunno.
I end this note throwing random thoughts together.
Don't dwell on the past, though it's hard not to. Live for the present, though don't make stupid mistakes that you will dwell on later. Think about the future, but not too hard, cause if you do you will being thinking about it so much and possibly miss something important in the present.
Everything happens for a reason. Get used to it. Later on you will realize that everything, even your mistakes, the bad moments, the darkest places you have been in life, makes you smarter, stronger, more able to adapt to things happening around you. Seize the day. Though it's alright if you don't do it every day. It's nearly impossible to every day. There will always be those days where you will be down and out. And that's okay. Everyone has those days. It's normal. But don't let those days guide your thoughts and lead you down a bad place.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Life away from home. Something that I've been putting off for a while. Why? Cause I'm a pansy when it comes to change. But I'm getting over being that person. That was how I was at home. Now, I'm becoming how I know I am.
Right now, I feel like before all of this, I was just dirt. Dry, cracked dirt. Nothing really going on in my life. Now though, I feel like water is slowly moisturizing me. Allowing things to grow, to bring life. Hopefully, some flowers will grow into relationships I will cherish over the years. Maybe with someone special. One can hope. But if not, that's fine too.
As for now, I'm happy with that slow trickle of water flowing into my life.
Right now, I feel like before all of this, I was just dirt. Dry, cracked dirt. Nothing really going on in my life. Now though, I feel like water is slowly moisturizing me. Allowing things to grow, to bring life. Hopefully, some flowers will grow into relationships I will cherish over the years. Maybe with someone special. One can hope. But if not, that's fine too.
As for now, I'm happy with that slow trickle of water flowing into my life.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
College life (minus classes) day 3
So I got up to Western Sunday with my parents. It was pretty crazy trying to figure out where to go and what to do, but we managed to get everything moved into my dorm fairly quickly with the help of some frat boys.
I won't lie to you and say 'oh yeah I've had a great time!'. Sunday was fairly boring. After I got moved in and all set up, Mom and Dad left. After a little while, I had a floor meeting with my RA. He is a really cool guy. After that, everyone met up for a stupid program that I didn't even understand because the speakers weren't loud enough for me to hear where I was sitting. After that, I just went back to my dorm and watched a movie off of iTunes.
Monday started our 'sessions', boring little meetings where they basically tell you everything that has been told to you for the past 8 years. Though, one of the sessions was a play, and that was funny at some points. I made a couple of new friends my floor at lunch, though, I haven't really hung out with them. I met up with Alli when she got up here yesterday and hung out with her, her boyfriend, and one of her friends I've met before, Mike. After that, I went back to my dorm and found some guys just chilling in the hall talking so I joined in.
Turned out, me and a couple of guys share similar tastes in music and we might even come down to Nashville for some concerts together. I also met one guy that is in the dorm right across from me. Real cool guy, very chill. I hung with him for a while and watched some Scrubs with him. His roommate came up after marching band and we hung out in there dorm for hours just playing Call of Duty, watching TV, watching videos on Youtube. It was a fun time.
Today has been pretty boring. I've mainly be hanging with the guy across the hall, B.J. is his name btw. I've been meeting more and more people every hour and it's great. Everything in my dorm is doing good. Except for the no Xbox part. That's the only bad part.
I miss everyone back home though. I can't wait to come back home and visit, but at the same time I want to stay here and define who I really am to all these people that have no clue who I am, what I'm about, and what I represent.
I won't lie to you and say 'oh yeah I've had a great time!'. Sunday was fairly boring. After I got moved in and all set up, Mom and Dad left. After a little while, I had a floor meeting with my RA. He is a really cool guy. After that, everyone met up for a stupid program that I didn't even understand because the speakers weren't loud enough for me to hear where I was sitting. After that, I just went back to my dorm and watched a movie off of iTunes.
Monday started our 'sessions', boring little meetings where they basically tell you everything that has been told to you for the past 8 years. Though, one of the sessions was a play, and that was funny at some points. I made a couple of new friends my floor at lunch, though, I haven't really hung out with them. I met up with Alli when she got up here yesterday and hung out with her, her boyfriend, and one of her friends I've met before, Mike. After that, I went back to my dorm and found some guys just chilling in the hall talking so I joined in.
Turned out, me and a couple of guys share similar tastes in music and we might even come down to Nashville for some concerts together. I also met one guy that is in the dorm right across from me. Real cool guy, very chill. I hung with him for a while and watched some Scrubs with him. His roommate came up after marching band and we hung out in there dorm for hours just playing Call of Duty, watching TV, watching videos on Youtube. It was a fun time.
Today has been pretty boring. I've mainly be hanging with the guy across the hall, B.J. is his name btw. I've been meeting more and more people every hour and it's great. Everything in my dorm is doing good. Except for the no Xbox part. That's the only bad part.
I miss everyone back home though. I can't wait to come back home and visit, but at the same time I want to stay here and define who I really am to all these people that have no clue who I am, what I'm about, and what I represent.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I'm already starting to not update this thing
So, it's my last day 'living' in Mount Juliet. So many emotions are going through me right now.
Excitement for a new beginning of my life.
Nervousness because of said new beginning.
Laziness because I don't want to pack.
Sleepiness because of the lack of sleep from last night.
Missing Tieg, Rob, and James. All who only got to stay here a day.
Thankful for my parents taking me to eat at the Spaghetti Factory.
Thankful for all the random crap my parents have bought me for college.
Happy that I'm finally moving out.
Sad that I'm leaving Mount Juliet.
I could really go on forever, but I don't want to bore you.
So to all my friends and family, thank you for making these years here so great. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. I hope to keep in touch with everyone and hope to hang out with everyone again soon.
Excitement for a new beginning of my life.
Nervousness because of said new beginning.
Laziness because I don't want to pack.
Sleepiness because of the lack of sleep from last night.
Missing Tieg, Rob, and James. All who only got to stay here a day.
Thankful for my parents taking me to eat at the Spaghetti Factory.
Thankful for all the random crap my parents have bought me for college.
Happy that I'm finally moving out.
Sad that I'm leaving Mount Juliet.
I could really go on forever, but I don't want to bore you.
So to all my friends and family, thank you for making these years here so great. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. I hope to keep in touch with everyone and hope to hang out with everyone again soon.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Random Thoughts 1
It;s not even been 24 hours since I've made this thing and yet already I feel like I have these thoughts that I need to write down. They will more than likely be a bunch of jumbled thoughts, so bear with me.
Relationships are hard. Flat out hard. For a while, you think that someone is perfect for you. Then you realize that you aren't where you want to be in your life, and you want to personally change. The person, however, will remain the same, and you know that will be a problem later on.
It's like this. Say you are standing on a chair and someone is standing on the ground in front of it. Which is easier? You pulling that person up to you or them pulling you down?
I feel like this is for the best. I enjoyed the time more than anything, this past almost 2 years. But I feel like this is for the best. I'm actually starting to turn to God more and more. Something I've been needing to do for a while. Sure it may suck right now, but I know everything will be alright in the end.
This song has also been in my head for a while now. I first heard it at church last week, hearing my friend Joel play and sing it.
Come All You Weary
Come all you weary with your heavy loads
Lay down your burdens find rest for your souls
Cause my yoke is easy and my burden is kind
I’ll take yours upon me and you can take mine
Come all you weary move through the earth
You've been spurned at fine restaurants and kicked out of church
Got a couple of loaves sit down at my feet
Lend me your ears and we'll break bread and eat
Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls
Come all you weary, you crippled you lame
I’ll help you along you can lay down your canes
We’ve got a long way to go but we’ll travel as friends
The lights growing bright further on further in
Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls
Rest for your souls
Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls
Rest for your souls [x3]
It's a constant reminder for me that no matter what, we can come to God and find rest.
Only a week and a half until I move for college, and yet I can already feel a change in my life, a change in myself. Do I like the change? Of course. But am I afraid of it as well? You bet. I've always enjoyed change, but have feared it just as much as loved it. I know though, i will all be alright.
Relationships are hard. Flat out hard. For a while, you think that someone is perfect for you. Then you realize that you aren't where you want to be in your life, and you want to personally change. The person, however, will remain the same, and you know that will be a problem later on.
It's like this. Say you are standing on a chair and someone is standing on the ground in front of it. Which is easier? You pulling that person up to you or them pulling you down?
I feel like this is for the best. I enjoyed the time more than anything, this past almost 2 years. But I feel like this is for the best. I'm actually starting to turn to God more and more. Something I've been needing to do for a while. Sure it may suck right now, but I know everything will be alright in the end.
This song has also been in my head for a while now. I first heard it at church last week, hearing my friend Joel play and sing it.
Come All You Weary
Come all you weary with your heavy loads
Lay down your burdens find rest for your souls
Cause my yoke is easy and my burden is kind
I’ll take yours upon me and you can take mine
Come all you weary move through the earth
You've been spurned at fine restaurants and kicked out of church
Got a couple of loaves sit down at my feet
Lend me your ears and we'll break bread and eat
Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls
Come all you weary, you crippled you lame
I’ll help you along you can lay down your canes
We’ve got a long way to go but we’ll travel as friends
The lights growing bright further on further in
Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls
Rest for your souls
Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls
Rest for your souls [x3]
It's a constant reminder for me that no matter what, we can come to God and find rest.
Only a week and a half until I move for college, and yet I can already feel a change in my life, a change in myself. Do I like the change? Of course. But am I afraid of it as well? You bet. I've always enjoyed change, but have feared it just as much as loved it. I know though, i will all be alright.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
*insert title of first blog post here* aka I don't feel like coming up with an actual name for this post
So, it's been a while since I've had a blog. And by a while, I mean years and years. I figured, with me moving away for college here in a couple weeks, this *might* be an easy way for people to keep up with events in my life and just exactly whats going on and how I feel about them.
I don't know how often I will actually update this thing, or even if people will actually read it. I will *try*, huge emphasis on try, to update it every couple of days. It may be with a story, some insight that I have, or it could just be some song lyrics that I've had in my head for a while that I personally think help me with life.
The main point in this first post will be the last one, lyrics. This song has been online for a while but the actual album was just released today. The song is Robots 3 Humans 0 by Norma Jean off of their new album The Anti Mother.
Robots 3 Humans 0
Open that door, I'll follow you into that place
Where nothing is regretted, then forgotten
Where is that grace? That carries me out
So strange it's mine
It's closed and locked, but if you open that door it won't be....
Yesterday when, before the days of collapsing
I'll stand through all these lines
Just to make it back to You
Can You help me every step of the way?
We can bury that battle and bury the cause
There is nothing that I can say
Because I was wrong this time
Everyone knows cause they see the glare in our eyes
Careful now, don't don't drown yourself in sorrow
I was the one that built that cross and weighed You down
And now I'll carry on til it's over....and it's over
And if you open that door it will be......
Yesterday when, before the days of collapsing
I'll stand through all these lines
Just to make it back to You
Can You help me every step of the way?
We can bury that battle and bury the cause
There is nothing that I can say
Because I was wrong this time
It really stands out for some reason. Maybe because it's a change in Norma Jean's vocal style for the song, or maybe it's the fact that the fourth line in the chorus is asking God for His help with every step in our life. That's what I'm needing, and always needing I'm realizing.
It's only a week and a half until I move to Bowling Green for college and every day I'm beginning to see that during this season of my life, I'm going to need God more than I ever have.
It'll be tough, but I know I can handle as long as God is with me.
I don't know how often I will actually update this thing, or even if people will actually read it. I will *try*, huge emphasis on try, to update it every couple of days. It may be with a story, some insight that I have, or it could just be some song lyrics that I've had in my head for a while that I personally think help me with life.
The main point in this first post will be the last one, lyrics. This song has been online for a while but the actual album was just released today. The song is Robots 3 Humans 0 by Norma Jean off of their new album The Anti Mother.
Robots 3 Humans 0
Open that door, I'll follow you into that place
Where nothing is regretted, then forgotten
Where is that grace? That carries me out
So strange it's mine
It's closed and locked, but if you open that door it won't be....
Yesterday when, before the days of collapsing
I'll stand through all these lines
Just to make it back to You
Can You help me every step of the way?
We can bury that battle and bury the cause
There is nothing that I can say
Because I was wrong this time
Everyone knows cause they see the glare in our eyes
Careful now, don't don't drown yourself in sorrow
I was the one that built that cross and weighed You down
And now I'll carry on til it's over....and it's over
And if you open that door it will be......
Yesterday when, before the days of collapsing
I'll stand through all these lines
Just to make it back to You
Can You help me every step of the way?
We can bury that battle and bury the cause
There is nothing that I can say
Because I was wrong this time
It really stands out for some reason. Maybe because it's a change in Norma Jean's vocal style for the song, or maybe it's the fact that the fourth line in the chorus is asking God for His help with every step in our life. That's what I'm needing, and always needing I'm realizing.
It's only a week and a half until I move to Bowling Green for college and every day I'm beginning to see that during this season of my life, I'm going to need God more than I ever have.
It'll be tough, but I know I can handle as long as God is with me.
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